i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
