he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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