she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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