I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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