I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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