not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
