I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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