haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
