the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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