David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
