the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize