I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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