i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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