What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's never too late to be topless.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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