Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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