my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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