I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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