so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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