I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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