worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
