omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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