All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
