Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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