well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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