Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
