don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
