Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize