"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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