apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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