I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
