im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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