Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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