"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Jerry, you need to find god
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize