I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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