OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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