i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
