i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
