im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
