I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
