i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
