I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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