so that wasnt chicken after all
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
