dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
