When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
