There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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