Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
