i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
