Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize