the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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