You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
