I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
