There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
