I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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