i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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