It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
