your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
