at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize