that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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