She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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