Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
