Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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