dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
