I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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