So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
