If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
