I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Randomize