Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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