Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
